Song lyrics:
I hate you for what you did And I miss you like a little kid I faked it every time, but that's alright I can hardly feel anything, I hardly feel anything at all You gave me fifteen hundred To see your hypnotherapist I only went one time, you let it slide Fell on hard times a year ago, was hoping you would let it go and you did I have emotional motion sickness Somebody roll the windows down There are no words in the English language I could scream to drown you out I'm on the outside looking through You're throwing rocks around your room And while you're bleeding on your back in the glass I'll be glad that I made it out and sorry that it all went down like it did I have emotional motion sickness Somebody roll the windows down There are no words in the English language I could scream to drown you out And why do you sing with an English accent? I guess it's too late to change it now You know I'm never gonna let you have it But I will try to drown you out You said when you met me, you were bored You said when you met me, you were bored And you, you were in a band when I was born I have emotional motion sickness I try to stay clean and live without And I wanna know what would happen If I surrender to the sound Surrender to the sound Analysis: In ‘motion sickness’, the age gap between Bridgers and her ex partner is central to the abuse she experienced and thus to the song. Throughout it, Bridgers touches on all the different ways her ex partner belittled and manipulated her: he gave her money for the type of therapy he chose rather than letting her choose or working through the issues with her, he let it slide when she didn’t follow through with it to retain his control over her, he let it go when she was going through hard times which may have been his fault rather than trying to help her, and he told her that he was bored when he met her to sow insecurity in her. Finally, him being in a band when she was born further emphasizes the experience and age gap between them. The two opening lines help us understand Bridgers’ complicated position - “I miss you like a little kid” is a very poignant line, especially when juxtaposed with “I hate you for what you did”. The juxtaposition of remembering and missing the good in the relationship and the hurt and rage she feels deftly captures the aftermath of an emotionally abusive relationship. Missing like a little kid evokes both her loving naïveté and her powerlessness. We see these mixed feelings again when she follows up her assertion that she’s “glad that she made it out” with “and sorry that it all went down like it did”. She stresses the positive impact of leaving while simultaneously expressing a degree of regret for her actions. The chorus expands on this: motion sickness is a condition most common in children, so in relating her “emotional motion sickness” she is both acknowledging her trauma and her inability to deal with it. The line “Somebody roll the windows down” resembles a plea and emphasizes her feelings of powerlessness. Finally, when explaining that there are no words she could scream to drown him -what he said and did to her - out, she makes the extent of the effects of the abuse clear. Her awareness of the nature of the abuse she experienced, in spite of his manipulation, is what ultimately drives the song to its climax. By describing herself as “on the outside looking through” while he’s “throwing rocks around [his] room” and then “bleeding on [his] back in the glass” she demonstrates her present clarity by highlighting his aggressive nature. Then, her mention of his fake english accent highlights how deceptive and manipulative he is. Both of these moments suggest that Bridgers understands that the abuse is not her fault, for the characteristics that make him abusive are portrayed in situations where she is not the direct target; they seem to be intrinsic to him. The ambiguity in “You know I'm never gonna let you have it / But I will try to drown you out” is deliberate - it shows her mixed feelings towards him, where the “it” in question could easily be her forgiveness or a confrontation. Bridgers wraps up the song masterfully by bringing it back to the central metaphor of motion sickness while touching on how imperfect healing from abuse truly is. The line “I try to stay clean and live without” follows her repetition of emotional motion sickness, thus letting us know that she’s moving forward and attempting to heal from her still present trauma. However, by adding “And I wanna know what would happen/ If I surrender to the sound/ Surrender to the sound” she shows how hard doing this is, and how sometimes she is tempted to give up in the face of the overwhelming emotions that come with working through her past experiences.